Saturday, March 28, 2015
There comes a time in life when one must face ones self and get to know who we really are. It seems as though I am coming to this stage a little late, for it feels as though I reached a plateau and held on, not wanting to face the fact that I am growing older, trying to hold on to my youth, having my head turned by comments that I looked much younger than I am, and feeling that this was something to be extremely desired. But it left me feeling as though I had to hang on to the illusion in every way possible, I had to convince myself that it was true. Then I would look at myself in the mirror and see that my hair needed to be dyed, I would check for new wrinkles or laugh lines, and how could I deal with that skin under my chin? I would look at myself from every angle with the hand mirror and wonder which side was the best side to be seen from. I would find myself constantly placing my hand under my chin so I could disguise the sagging skin. I have been trying to decide for a long time whether I should let my natural gray hair grow out, but each time I look in the mirror, I say, one more time, the gray makes me look too old. I have decided that I hate the constant dyeing, and I am ready to let it grow. I have no idea what the chemicals in the hair dye do to you, and I am at a point where I want to "forgive" myself for growing old! There is something "freeing" in this letting go of the illusion, and I want to grow old gracefully, accepting that this is a part of life, and a new beginning. I want to be a beautiful older woman who is comfortable with who she is, not a woman who is desperately trying to hand onto the youth that has passed. So I am going to write about my journey in the pages of this blog in hopes that perhaps my experience will help someone else who is afraid of starting this journey of discovery. I will call this journey "Blooming Anew."