Day Five

MY MOTHER

Wearily she places her hand upon her rounding tummy

what foolishness convinced her this would work

there was too much distance between them

too many hurtful, harsh words flung in moments of heat

the baby moves away from her probing hands

perhaps sensing her misery 

she had been too young to marry, anyone could see that

now she was saddled with one child and another on the way

there had been a chance, but momma scolded her

a husband and child made you responsible 

too responsible to turn your back and run away

but she had wanted to go, to be anywhere but here

she didn't want this child that burdened her body

a husband worn thin from hard work 

dust and heat that clogged her brain

they told her another child would heal the wounds

wounds they had inflicted on one another

marriage was a holy bond, not to be broken

but she longed for another life, any life 

where she would be young and free

free of cattle, children, dust and heat

and most of all a husband she didn't love

but she would stay until the baby was born

Then she would leave us

my brother, my father and me

           Janice Kuykendall

           April 5, 2012

Day Four

100 PERCENT FOOL

I am 100 percent fool 

for when I am around you

My tongue becomes clumsy

pushing foolish words

from my silly, smiling lips

I act the fool when you smile

lips, but that I could softly kiss

your teeth like precious pearls

music of the angels when you speak

I am running to pick up the flowers

that fall from your pretty mouth

Happiness is a seat next to you

grabbing the scraps of your words

wolfing them down like a hungry dog

you turn your head and your hair

dark as the midnight sun

falls across your lovely shoulder

in my mind I see my fingers

threading through it silken strands

Yes, I am 100 percent fool

for you don't even know I am alive

You look through me when he enters

The glow from your eyes lights the room

I see love stand between the two of you

a magnet pulling at your hearts

and the love I foolishly hold for you

falls to the cold, hard floor

to shatter like my silly porcelain heart

Yes, I am 100 percent fool

      Janice Kuykendall

      April 4, 2012

Day Three

THE ALMOST APOLOGY

Should I say I am I sorry

I suppose

You were almost right

when you said I was wrong

But how wrong was I

or was I wrong at all

The things you said were not quite right

The things I said were almost right

Just how right was I

or was I right at all

Who was right and who was wrong

Or were either of us 

right or wrong at all

Should I suppose I'm to blame

Or did you cause it all

So am I sorry

Now I'm not sure at all

Janice Kuykendall

April 3, 2012

Day Two

VISITORS

I am bent with age, just like the old tree on the hill

my hands are gnarled and spotted

like the curled bark and tangled roots

I have less hair and fewer teeth

and the old tree's branches are bare bones

her sap has thickened and stilled

my blood is heavy and moves slowly

through my clotted veins

my bones creak as I slowly lower myself 

to sit beneath her empty canopy

Her branches rub and sigh in the soft wind

gently whispering to me, our time is almost up

after all, we are only visitors

who have outstayed our welcome

                  

Janice Kuykendall

                  April 2, 2012

Day One - APRIL PAD

THE LETTER

I knew at once, the delicate pink space

the thin spidery lines, like living black lace 

spreading across the thin parchment 

Even though it had been years

I still knew the slant of her hand

I could see the touch of her fingers

I swear I could even smell her perfume

Her throaty laughter rose from the paper

And pierced my heart, like an arrow from hell

I could see the sweep of her long black hair

as it fell over her pale shoulder

the look in her dark eyes, the amusement

that fell from her full lips as she told me

she didn't love me, had never loved me

I felt the pain anew as my trembling hands

tore open the seal on the thin envelope

she and my only brother whispered in my ear

fool, such a fool, how could you not see

what all others knew, what you knew

but would not see, could not see

Now the thin black letters rose up

and choked my throat with unshed tears

my heart shattered into a million pieces

my brother, my betrayer was dead

                       JANICE KUYKENDALL

                       APRIL 1, 2012

 A TINY THING


It was tiny
this thing between us
Nothing really
just a silly word
but it grew
First just a small grain
irritating, but small
Then it grew larger
pushing us apart
We fed it
just a little
and it grew larger
Hot, angry words
said in the heat
of a red moment
The chasm
between us grew wider
the words grew hotter
The chasm grew still wider
until we could not reach
each other across the divide

It was tiny
this thing between us
 Janice Kuykendall

A Poem for the New Year

My mother told me I was an attempt
to save a failing marriage
She also told me the song Tragedy
was popular when I was born
The marriage failed when I was two
and I became a mistake
Shifted back and forth
Like an unwanted guest
A stepmother who despised me
A  stepfather who resented me
And parents who never really wanted me
I learned you could live without love

But then my parents grew old
and needed me, and it sort of felt like love
so I gave them what they never gave me

Janice Kuykendall